Natural Born Squirrel Wrestler

12 Oct

I am currently raging on some Mountain Dew. I am the person that is not allowed to drink Surge or 4Loco’s. In fact, I would say I probably have personally contributed to 4 Loco’s being taken off the ‘market.’ FYI: They still sell them in GadRock at the Shell and the Parade- if you know where to look.

At bowling today we did not dominate. Finchy and her man candy decided to bring their A game and squashed us the first game. We came back and won the 2nd, but it forced Theo and I to 4th place. We’re bowling this “season” with BCBS members and both of their teams are in 1st and 2nd. Hmmmm. Seems rigged to me. One of the men we actually played last “season” for the title and he now pretends to only know my partner Theo. What a ridiculous woman-hater. He’s probably just intimidated from my pheromones and nurturing aspect. Probably.

I told Theo the story of my squirrel attack today because it seemed natural to share such a story while in a squirrel-like state-of-mind (Mountain Dew rage). He did not seem impressed and most likely was ready for me to leave his desk when I couldn’t stop giggling.

I’m obviously the office favorite.

For those who don’t know the story, I will summarize. It was Bid Day at UA, about 45 million degrees in an August summer. We were basically swimming in the air. The newly inducted ladies were running to their new houses, screaming in glee. I waited while dripping with sweat for Short and Sassy to show up. She came running up to the AOPi house where we hugged. That’s when I saw it and it saw me. The squirrel was in the middle of sorority row in a panic as the crowd of stampeding girls surrounded him. He chose the most viable option- up my dress. Thankfully my dress tied around my ribcage and he did not maul my face while I stood frozen as he frantically scrambled around my body. Short and Sassy’s face was probably the best thing I’ve ever seen. After said squirrel exited my space for a more friendly bush, I heard a little child yell, “Mommy mommy! That girl was just attacked by a squirrel!”

I couldn’t make this shit up.

This completely justifies while I’m still at my desk giggling. Right?

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7 Responses to “Natural Born Squirrel Wrestler”

  1. Anismandy October 12, 2011 at 8:38 pm #

    It seems like you would need an office polar bear to protect you from future squirrel attacks. Just sayin.

  2. Theophulis October 14, 2011 at 3:08 pm #

    Mandolin, you are having an affair with bears this month. First you want to get an office polar bear (which would feel comfortable in this freezing igloo we work in), but I just don’t think that is the best idea.

    Then you are going to see the band “Minus the Bear” next weekend! Again, I am very glad the band does not have the bear on stage with them because that would be a disastrous shit show.

    Hey L – I enjoyed the squirl story. I just was not on the same Mountain Dew Rage Level you were on.

    WDE

    Theophilus

    • Theophilus October 14, 2011 at 3:09 pm #

      Shit – I spelt my name wrong

    • Anismandy October 14, 2011 at 4:00 pm #

      Theo,
      I do love some bears. I actually didn’t want to get an office polar bear, I wanted to BE an office polar bear.

      And I think a bear on stage at a rock show might actually provide some entertainment. Unless he got mad an mauled everyone.

      RTR Theo. RTR.

      -Mandolin

  3. Theophilus October 14, 2011 at 3:12 pm #

    I had this really awesome statement that I wrote….then replied to my own statement because I spelt my name wrong. Well this amazing Tech decieded to replace my awesomness with my dumbness.

    OVER IT

  4. Theophilus October 14, 2011 at 3:13 pm #

    Dammit – just saw my original statemnt was there. FML

  5. Finchy November 16, 2011 at 8:53 pm #

    DOMINATION! WOO!

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