Tag Archives: sketchy relatives

Awkward Family Photos. But in real life.

13 Dec

This picture is a prime example of what you hope and do not hope will be present at your longtime boyfriend’s family Christmas party:

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A perfect, well-rounded family of stache wearers. However, what I discovered at my man candy’s Christmas gathering in LA (Lower Alabama) was much more entertaining and equally disturbing… I was given a glimpse of who could possibly be attending my future wedding that may or may not happen with aforementioned boy toy. I don’t have any bling on my left hand, so this is still an up-in-the-air occasion, but as I am moving in with him in a matter of weeks, it needs to turn into a very rock-laden left hand ASAP.

I digress. We arrived Friday night to his aunt and uncle’s trailer out in the woods somewhere. If I had to describe where I was or I would die, I would be dead right now. It was between a house and a tilled field. Immediately upon arrival, the shooting begins and the whiskey is passed ’round. I learned a lot of things this weekend and grammar was not one. The males shot up all kinds of things in the dark, completely oblivious of the fact that there are living creatures that expect to not be shot at in the dark. My concern was a lost cause when I began helping throw buckets into a spotlight and chugging whiskey like a champ. We left his Uncle’s for his cousins trailer that is about 30 min away. Upon arrival, I immediately discover that they have baby chicks living in a cage in their house while they get big enough to live outside. I may or may not have tried to take one fluffy chick to sleep with me. Unfortunately, the alcohol I had inhaled weakened my stealth and I was caught.

Saturday morning, we head back to the Aunt and Uncle’s for the day’s festivities. I realize that I have forgotten to mention they rented a bouncy house for this occasion. I was uncharacteristically impressed with how prepared they were for the unruly pack of children that would arrive throughout the day. Throughout the following hours, I learned that some relatives are meant to be seen once a year and fall under the category of ‘sketchy.’ But there are some that are meant to be coveted like the one that snuck me homemade moonshine all day. I can always appreciate someone with a passion for getting drunk. I thankfully got to shoot a shotgun and learn about ammunition and also got to pour gasoline on a massive fire with lots of dried leaves and things around it. I really lived on the edge.

After this weekend I am more committed than ever to have a destination wedding. It can still be in the US, but above the Mason-Dixon Line. I think this will deter many people from coming and make me feel more comfortable about having an open bar and not having to collect firearms before guests enter the church.