Tag Archives: small towns

It was just an air fart.

15 Nov

This past weekend I spent time with old friends in my hometown and reminisced of days gone by. We mostly just all talked shit to one another about other people’s weddings, their weddings (clearly not mine) and loads of other really lazy, senseless things. Short and sassy and Gizmo just registered for their wedding and told me some really sneaky tricks about registering ridiculous things onto other couples’ registries. They registered some friends for a rather dark-skinned Santa. Please keep in mind that the couple is not of the African American descent.

 …I SO hope they don’t notice the additions to their registry and open a large African Santa in their new house. I would be thankful for the culture and addition to my decorations. This couple, well. They will certainly try to return it. Most likely for cash. They will have no idea of the gem they will have received.

Yes, my friends are geniuses and wackjobs and one day soon we will all rule the world together. Maybe not so soon because we all live mostly in small towns in Alabama, but maybe one day we’ll rule the Country Club. I could settle for free alcohol & food and let others rule the world.

So while we were all sitting on the couch at 4o-Watt’s house we began discussing the terrifying and repugnant act of farting in front of your ‘significant other.’ Luckily I have done the silent but deadly and not the loud and terrifying RUN FOR THE HILLS fart in front of BF. Short and sassy was not so lucky. While staying at the Governor’s Mansion for another godforsaken wedding, she and Gizmo were preparing for a night out. S&S thought she heard the hotel door close and thought Gizmo had stepped out so she snuck into the potty. & then she let it rip. As Gizmo says, “It was nothing but air. No cheekage whatsoever.” HER CHEEKS NEVER TOUCHED! That’s a gift folks.

This is when Short and Sassy tried to die and disappear and considered flushing herself instead of facing the giggles outside the door as Gizmo asked if she was ok. Yeah, he totally asked if she was ok. I thought it was nice.

I poured her some wine and we went back to the black santa topic…much less controversial.